So, there's this guy...
Mi amor...
And well he is, we are, somewhat in love yet very much so distant!
His name is "Terell" [not real name] and we met through Hi5 [remember dat?] back in Dec of 06. Well we had a few phone conversations and what not, got to know each other. Yet somehow we stopped calling for a few weeks or so and just so happens the day before Valentine's Day 07' he calls me up and we get to talking.
So umm yeah...all through the weeks we would call, text or IM also everyday and be on the phone for hours. [Typical timing would be like 11pm - 4am] Just going and going. Then, on May 25, 2007 he asked me out [keep in mind we have never seen each other in person...he sent me a picture but we allllllll know how pictures lie lol] so yeah, that was the beginning of our telephone love/marriage.
SO now it's 2009 and Dec. 26 will make us 3 years knowing each other and we still have not met. Throughout this time we would talk and talk and row and fight and have sex [hmmm] then breakup to makeup. We would confide in each other and share our problems and give advice. He told me about his girlfriend [yes he is downlown-ish] and his fucked up relationship with her and the twins they had together AFTER we became an item. And how we cried when he moved to ATLANTA for school. Well, He became my bestfriend and we told each other everything. OMG and he has like the sexiest voice ever. And when he sings to me [cant carry a note for shit] it warms we up and gets me going.
Problem is...we fell in love...hard. That bitch beat my ass with a bat and then drank my blood. Love needs to be tamed or some fuck cuz she is ruthless.
Back in January of this year I went to Fort Lauderdale to celebrate a friend's birthday and he called me while I was there and we was talking. I was out at Walgreens getting some last minute items before we got ready for the club that night. So, we were on my friend's phone from like from 8pm until about 10. That's when the dogs let loose. We got into an argument about something and it got down right nasty. He starts to tell me how he just calls me up for fun and him and his
boyfriend" be listening to me and laughing and whatnot and at some point in I just said fuck it and hung up. It stung but hey...mama aint raise no fool!
So yeah, fast forward....I'm back home and the saturday night before my birthday [Feb 22] an IM pops up with him and he goes "im just here to tel you HAPPY BIRTHDAY"...so I just acted cordial and said thank you and to tell his mom I said happy birthday as well [we have the same birthday]...so he strikes up a conversation as if nothing happened a few weeks ago and whatever [I dont forget]. Then he goes and asks what happened between us and how can we fix it and I'm like us? there is no us...and we get to talking and I said you know what go and be with your family dude. Let me let you know that saying those words took almost everything out of me.
Every now and again we speak on IM but every other day he pops up in my mind. Because of him I disregard most advances from others. Because of him I save myself like were getting married. Because I love him I feel held back. And I'm wondering if he feels the same way. I'm wondering how far can a cyber relationship go?
I dont know much...but all I know is that I want to be free from him but dont know how. All I know is that I wish he was here holding me in his arms, take me home to mama. All I know that in my mind I will always be his baby.
What do you think?
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2 comments:
Still waiting on that connection...
Reading this almost brought tears to my eyes. I think that this man is torn between who he really is and who the world wants him to be. And sadly, he's hurting the people who love him the most. Think about how much his girlfriend is hurting and she doesn't even know it. You are also hurt because you are clear about how you feel. He needs to figure out what side of the fence he wants to be on. I would keep my distance if I were you. I'm a female who found herself in a relationship with a DL man. We are actually very good friends now, but that took time and communication that we didn't have before. You all need to get to this point also. I wish you well. These men don't realize that they hurt so many people, not just themselves.
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