WIthdrawal - A CMG Original

COMING SOON!

[To a blog near you!]

-So I'm really trying to revamp my writing passions...bare with me those who will be reading...it will be great.

Love for Sale

When stars cling to the skies

And tears burns the eyes

A heart struck to pieces

Love reluctantly decreases

I open shop...

A soul for sale

Waiting to accept

A heart to sell

To be held wholeheartedly

I open shop...

A heart for sale

Wanting to be loved

Nearly priceless and barely used

Top-of-the-line and real

And I open shop...

Welcome...

Love for sale.

Momentary Existence

A lil' something I wrote back in the tenth grade.

Cold Blood,

Trickling to the floor,

Sheets dyed red,

Eyes rolled over,

Who can save him?

No one!

A mother's tears,

A father's fears,

He never listened

No one hectored him

He transgressed.

Put his life on the line

Surely, koh-kayn ain't that precious

I guess someone would learn

Of his foolish mistakes

Young vitality transitioned

From life to death.

No more hugs, no more kisses

Absent smiles, unsaid wishes

What an awe

Of a

Teenager's Momentary Existence...

Yup! Won first place too!

My Baby...My Sugar...My Love!

So, there's this guy...
Mi amor...
And well he is, we are, somewhat in love yet very much so distant!


His name is "Terell" [not real name] and we met through Hi5 [remember dat?] back in Dec of 06. Well we had a few phone conversations and what not, got to know each other. Yet somehow we stopped calling for a few weeks or so and just so happens the day before Valentine's Day 07' he calls me up and we get to talking. 


So umm yeah...all through the weeks we would call, text or IM also everyday and be on the phone for hours. [Typical timing would be like 11pm - 4am] Just going and going. Then, on May 25, 2007 he asked me out [keep in mind we have never seen each other in person...he sent me a picture but we allllllll know how pictures lie lol] so yeah, that was the beginning of our telephone love/marriage.


SO now it's 2009 and Dec. 26 will make us 3 years knowing each other and we still have not met. Throughout this time we would talk and talk and row and fight and have sex [hmmm] then breakup to makeup. We would confide in each other and share our problems and give advice. He told me about his girlfriend [yes he is downlown-ish] and his fucked up relationship with her and the twins they had together AFTER we became an item. And how we cried when he moved to ATLANTA for school. Well, He became my bestfriend and we told each other everything. OMG and he has like the sexiest voice ever. And when he sings to me [cant carry a note for shit] it warms we up and gets me going. 
Problem is...we fell in love...hard. That bitch beat my ass with a bat and then drank my blood. Love needs to be tamed or some fuck cuz she is ruthless. 

Back in January of this year I went to Fort Lauderdale to celebrate a friend's birthday and he called me while I was there and we was talking. I was out at Walgreens getting some last minute items before we got ready for the club that night. So, we were on my friend's phone from like from 8pm until about 10. That's when the dogs let loose. We got into an argument about something and it got down right nasty. He starts to tell me how he just calls me up for fun and him and his 
boyfriend" be listening to me and laughing and whatnot and at some point in I just said fuck it and hung up. It stung but hey...mama aint raise no fool!


So yeah, fast forward....I'm back home and the saturday night before my birthday [Feb 22] an IM pops up with him and he goes "im just here to tel you HAPPY BIRTHDAY"...so I just acted cordial and said thank you and to tell his mom I said happy birthday as well [we have the same birthday]...so he strikes up a conversation as if nothing happened a few weeks ago and whatever [I dont forget]. Then he goes and asks what happened between us and how can we fix it and I'm like us? there is no us...and we get to talking and I said you know what go and be with your family dude. Let me let you know that saying those words took almost everything out of me. 


Every now and again we speak on IM but every other day he pops up in my mind. Because of him I disregard most advances from others. Because of him I save myself like were getting married. Because I love him I feel held back. And I'm wondering if he feels the same way. I'm wondering how far can a cyber relationship go? 


I dont know much...but all I know is that I want to be free from him but dont know how. All I know is that I wish he was here holding me in his arms, take me home to mama. All I know that in my mind I will always be his baby.


What do you think?

touch my body baby...

touch my body

unmask my soul

touch my heart

reach and unfold

watch the core of my feet

wash away through needles

disgusted, pain-filled

sight fierce with fire

gazed with hazel

i am

freed

i am

empty

i am

raw

touch my body

and watch my soul

it's mine

my moment

my pleasure

my...withdrawal!

touch my body

♥ Let go n let GOD. 09. '10.

when i'm down and out
against my flaws
against my dreams
against my reality
at my weakest
i become exxposed
to the greatness
and i am at my strongest.
i must realize this world in mine
and i will make it to the sun and outshine!

♥ Let go n let GOD. 09. '10.

Too often we drown ourselves in the ugliness of this world. We paddle for a while to keep our head above water and few are able to make it to shore but what about the majority who don't?

It's hard at times but when I look in the mirror I have to shout that I am stronger, I am wiser, I am better because I never would have made without you Lord...and dont get me wrong I get fed up, I get held down, [feeling kinda strapped now] but I'm pressing forward and you should too. This life is about creating yourself and I'll do that with every article that could build my box. At some point I forgot about this blog and I discontinued writing but I am slowing regaining what is rightfully mines.

Until next time...♥

Matters of The Heart

My friends: paint a picture in your head that takes you to another place in time. The picture that provides your escape from reality and when you awake you feel a sudden rush of refreshment and progress in healing.

Too many times have we burden ourselves with "fleshy" elements of heartache and pain such as love and personal pursuits of happiness. Though, we are only human [and I accept that fully] we must be able to stand on our own two feet and say 'I cant take it anymore!.' Hell, if you cant do it by yourself call a friend and ask for help or see a guidance professional. I hate to look around and see my friends and family whom I have came to love just wallow helplessly in the currents of pain, heartache, family issues, financial burdens, etc. and if I cud be superhuman I would take it all away. Excuse me much if this does not fall together properly because my thoughts are all over the place. However, you be able to read between the lines and I'll accept your personal understandings and opinions as they are. Hey! I dont have to like it or understand it, but if you love it then I'll accept it!

To the persons involved in straining relationships I say this one thing to you. Don't allow another person to come into your life and put you through unwanted and unneeded stress. Sometimes the Lord Jesus Christ makes GOOD things fall APART so BETTER things could fall TOGETHER. Again, no one is perfect. I may not have the best relationship, the fanciest car, the best clothes or the most money or whatever floats your boat but what I can offer to you is my love, support and faith in you! No matter what persons think of you..your always going to be you and only GOD can judge you otherwise. And of course you know this, just thought I should put it out there! And believe me...I'm just now learning to live my life fully without focusing on the onlookers! And trust you me...I've never held regrets because my past is whats creating [not ruling] my future!

Don't mind people...shoots you don't ever have to mind me! People tend to look from the outside in to try and place transparent meanings onto your life story. They dont see the emotional me, the lighthearted me, the crazy me, the phycological, the financial me, the respectful me, THEY DONT SEE ME for ME! Point blank period! And thats a fact! Everything you do in your life should be based on how you want it n the way GOD planned it! Come on, those that mind dont matter and those that dont mind are the ones who matter. Hold on I think I need some water to cool down here.

So, what's my reason for writing this note? Well...in all honesty and truth it's really some pent up frustration of mine and a mirrored realization of truth too and I'm posting it here for someone who may need another eye opener like me. Hell, I've been in a shaky relationship for almost 2 years now and maybe I dont have the heart for it anymore! All the drama that it totes closely behind it...I've became emotionally attached to it rather than physically and it weighs and shows...no individual on earth should have the power over you to cripples your mind into believing that something is beneficial to you even if its making you unhappy.

But that's where Volume One ends today folk...who knows when I'll post again...maybe tomorrow or the day after...or when my friend JOEY FedEx my BDAY gift! i kno! just mind ya own damn business! And live ya lyfe!

Feed your haters people! Take on of those hater-pills each day because they build something great inside :)! Love the life you live! Live the life you love! And have the courage to know the difference! Pray about these things man...and yes I do love yall bunch of HUMANS!

Until next time...oh and excuse my damn typo's king!