Love for Sale

When stars cling to the skies

And tears burns the eyes

A heart struck to pieces

Love reluctantly decreases

I open shop...

A soul for sale

Waiting to accept

A heart to sell

To be held wholeheartedly

I open shop...

A heart for sale

Wanting to be loved

Nearly priceless and barely used

Top-of-the-line and real

And I open shop...

Welcome...

Love for sale.

Momentary Existence

A lil' something I wrote back in the tenth grade.

Cold Blood,

Trickling to the floor,

Sheets dyed red,

Eyes rolled over,

Who can save him?

No one!

A mother's tears,

A father's fears,

He never listened

No one hectored him

He transgressed.

Put his life on the line

Surely, koh-kayn ain't that precious

I guess someone would learn

Of his foolish mistakes

Young vitality transitioned

From life to death.

No more hugs, no more kisses

Absent smiles, unsaid wishes

What an awe

Of a

Teenager's Momentary Existence...

Yup! Won first place too!

My Baby...My Sugar...My Love!

So, there's this guy...
Mi amor...
And well he is, we are, somewhat in love yet very much so distant!


His name is "Terell" [not real name] and we met through Hi5 [remember dat?] back in Dec of 06. Well we had a few phone conversations and what not, got to know each other. Yet somehow we stopped calling for a few weeks or so and just so happens the day before Valentine's Day 07' he calls me up and we get to talking. 


So umm yeah...all through the weeks we would call, text or IM also everyday and be on the phone for hours. [Typical timing would be like 11pm - 4am] Just going and going. Then, on May 25, 2007 he asked me out [keep in mind we have never seen each other in person...he sent me a picture but we allllllll know how pictures lie lol] so yeah, that was the beginning of our telephone love/marriage.


SO now it's 2009 and Dec. 26 will make us 3 years knowing each other and we still have not met. Throughout this time we would talk and talk and row and fight and have sex [hmmm] then breakup to makeup. We would confide in each other and share our problems and give advice. He told me about his girlfriend [yes he is downlown-ish] and his fucked up relationship with her and the twins they had together AFTER we became an item. And how we cried when he moved to ATLANTA for school. Well, He became my bestfriend and we told each other everything. OMG and he has like the sexiest voice ever. And when he sings to me [cant carry a note for shit] it warms we up and gets me going. 
Problem is...we fell in love...hard. That bitch beat my ass with a bat and then drank my blood. Love needs to be tamed or some fuck cuz she is ruthless. 

Back in January of this year I went to Fort Lauderdale to celebrate a friend's birthday and he called me while I was there and we was talking. I was out at Walgreens getting some last minute items before we got ready for the club that night. So, we were on my friend's phone from like from 8pm until about 10. That's when the dogs let loose. We got into an argument about something and it got down right nasty. He starts to tell me how he just calls me up for fun and him and his 
boyfriend" be listening to me and laughing and whatnot and at some point in I just said fuck it and hung up. It stung but hey...mama aint raise no fool!


So yeah, fast forward....I'm back home and the saturday night before my birthday [Feb 22] an IM pops up with him and he goes "im just here to tel you HAPPY BIRTHDAY"...so I just acted cordial and said thank you and to tell his mom I said happy birthday as well [we have the same birthday]...so he strikes up a conversation as if nothing happened a few weeks ago and whatever [I dont forget]. Then he goes and asks what happened between us and how can we fix it and I'm like us? there is no us...and we get to talking and I said you know what go and be with your family dude. Let me let you know that saying those words took almost everything out of me. 


Every now and again we speak on IM but every other day he pops up in my mind. Because of him I disregard most advances from others. Because of him I save myself like were getting married. Because I love him I feel held back. And I'm wondering if he feels the same way. I'm wondering how far can a cyber relationship go? 


I dont know much...but all I know is that I want to be free from him but dont know how. All I know is that I wish he was here holding me in his arms, take me home to mama. All I know that in my mind I will always be his baby.


What do you think?

touch my body baby...

touch my body

unmask my soul

touch my heart

reach and unfold

watch the core of my feet

wash away through needles

disgusted, pain-filled

sight fierce with fire

gazed with hazel

i am

freed

i am

empty

i am

raw

touch my body

and watch my soul

it's mine

my moment

my pleasure

my...withdrawal!

touch my body

♥ Let go n let GOD. 09. '10.

when i'm down and out
against my flaws
against my dreams
against my reality
at my weakest
i become exxposed
to the greatness
and i am at my strongest.
i must realize this world in mine
and i will make it to the sun and outshine!

♥ Let go n let GOD. 09. '10.

Too often we drown ourselves in the ugliness of this world. We paddle for a while to keep our head above water and few are able to make it to shore but what about the majority who don't?

It's hard at times but when I look in the mirror I have to shout that I am stronger, I am wiser, I am better because I never would have made without you Lord...and dont get me wrong I get fed up, I get held down, [feeling kinda strapped now] but I'm pressing forward and you should too. This life is about creating yourself and I'll do that with every article that could build my box. At some point I forgot about this blog and I discontinued writing but I am slowing regaining what is rightfully mines.

Until next time...♥